2010-03-16

Happiness feels a lot like sorrow.
Let it be, you can't make it come or go,
But you are gone- not for good but for now
Gone for now feels a lot like gone for good.

2010-03-06

It’s not that I don’t feel I deserve it, cause God knows I do.

What makes life unusual is no one gets everything they want. But that’s the whole point isn't it? Everyone is always after something: the most money, the highest paying careers, freedom, sex, and most importantly, love. Don't get me wrong there is nothing wrong with wanting things, it is what drives you, what makes you a better individual, and what makes life worth living.

So how am I suppose to finally feel complete, even though I am just a normal 19 year old girl?

For years I have be told this simple blatant lie:

“Having everything means nothing, if you don’t have someone to share it with.”

What they mean by this statement is that you can't have everything unless you have a boyfriend/girlfriend/wife/husband/partner/love interest. It implies nothing about family and friends who are, in fact, the most important people in anyone individuals' life. You CAN have everything and be all alone in that, because quite frankly, you are not alone; no one is ever alone. In every relationship we expect this other person to be our knight in shining armor and whisk us away from all the worries and the troubles of the world; we expect nothing short of perfection. The day we realize that this is NOT real life is the day we face the biggest let down of our life. People butt heads, they argue, they make mistakes, they are cruel, and they feel emotion.. Deal with it! So what's the moral of the story:

You can’t expect someone to complete you! Unrealistic expectations ruin relationships. I strongly believe this.

My grandma told me something (and wouldn’t you know…it’s actually true!) that when you come to find a successful relationship, no one, not even THE greatest human being in the world will ever make you 100% happy. That’s on YOU. Build a life that is perfect for YOU and the perfect person will be the one that comes along and wants to SHARE that "perfect" life you've created for yourself. She/he will not alter your world, she/he will just simply enhance the features of your so called perfect life.

So, put yourself first from time to time. You are the only one that can have an impact on your own well-being. Pick yourself up before others can tear you down.

2010-03-04

I have lost faith in humanity. What the hell is wrong with people? Obviously, there is nothing anyone can do to right the likes of humanity but it just feels as though every single person around me falling through the cracks of what humanity has become. I used to think I was surrounded by great people and that all that negativity was nowhere in sight. The truth is, it is everywhere. It's disappointing. Do any of these ring a bell: Common courtesy? If you don't have anything nice to say, do not say anything at all? Treat others the way you want to be treated? The act of being selfless? General acts of kindness? I am sure these ideas, terms, and universal rules were familiar to everyone at one point or another.. but unfortunately, not anymore.

"Don't be yourself, be someone a little nicer".

2010-01-20

I am under a spell of constant disappointment.

This just has not been feeling as it should.

What is wrong with me? Seriously!

2009-12-08

"A guy and girl can be just friends but at one point or another, they will fall for each other. Maybe just temporarily, maybe at the wrong time, maybe too late, or maybe forever"

-- Dave Matthews

2009-11-25

My roommates are insane. I do not think I have ever laughed as hard as I have in the past few months. This is a copy of the collection of quotes located on our refrigerator of our funniest moments:

"Oh shoot! We're living on a beach?" - Ryan

"No, no. I would have a relationship with Carrie Underwood, I would just bang that blonde chick from the Pussycat Dolls" - Lynsay

"Tila! Oh my God" - Tila Tequila

"Oh mg" - Phil

"Uh Yeah, give me what I need" - Tila Tequila

"OH MY GOD, WE ARE DYING! WE ARE DYING RIGHT NOW!" - Ryan

"My dream is to watch people have sex. Not the actual sex, I just wanna see the moments leading up to it and I want to see if they would do it in front of me" - Lynsay

"Lynsay! There are people puking in our garbage cans and our kitchen sink!" - Ryan

"Tongue freaks me out. Every tongue texture is different, it's like a banana and banana's creep me out" - Lynsay

"Dear Jon Templin, can I rub your abs?" - Nicole

" I would totally do anal, if it meant having sex with him!" - Kriselle

"Put your friggin' seat belt on! We are in the car with an Asian!" - Ryan

"Take a doubt shot" - the ikki twins

"Oh my god! I just punched myself so hard in the face!" - Ryan

"Oh my god guys! I am so much fun! Like, you should really thank my parents for all this because if they hadn't gotten together and had sex I would not be here and you all would not be having this much fun!" - Jessica

"I don't care. I just need someone to make out with when I am drunk" - Nicole

"Whenever Pussycat Dolls 'Buttons' video comes on I become a lesbian for 4 minutes" - Lynsay

"Sorry! That's for Phil" - Nicole

"If Lady Gaga comes on tonight I'm going to be the biggest whore" - Lynsay

"I don't know how I feel about that" - ALL

" FFFFFFFFFFFFF- ighting evil by moonlight" - Jess

"No one uses the weiner slot" - SNL

"I'm not effing angry!!" - Ryan (Ryan during his special time of month)

"Why's his foot up there?" - Lynsay

"If you ever hurt me, I'll fucking kill you" - Ryan

"How in the hell do you tell someone they are a horrible kisser? What I really wanna say is, get your effing tongue out of my mouth and freakin' give it to me. I would rather my face be sucked then to be gagged by tongue" - Lynsay

"I wish it was my birthday!" - Nicole (in reference to the song birthday sex)

"So Lyns, should I get a blowjob, an orgasm or an asian pussy?" - Ryan

"You have to leave at a 0.. just because" - Jess

"PHIL! You just spilled pussy all over me!" - Ryan

Moments that do not need quotes:

- being sent pictures of some guys penis at Kriselle's

- the way in which Kriselle hold a guy head when she kisses him

- the way Kriselle keeps her eyes open and looks at her friends while kissing people

- Lynsay fainting in Kriselle's bedroom

- Lynsay puking in her sailor moon costume for 12 straight hours

- Ryan knowing every dance to all Pussycat Dolls, Lady Gaga, and Beyonce music videos

- Jessica and Bad Romance

- Ryan communicating with a vomiting Lynsay through her vent

- Kriselle making a vegetarian eat chicken

- Lynsay debt card signature permanently stuck on her boob after a long night of sweaty dancing in the Turret

- Ryan drinking a beer by himself in his room on a Monday morning

- Nicole and Phil

- Kriselle and Jason

- Jess and Jon

- Nicole's frequent screams

- Ryan breaking Jess' mirror from coming out of the closet

- Ryan and Chandler cuddling in bed together

You guys are awesome! I only hope that the list on our fridge will continue to expand.

2009-11-24

Fifteen things you did not know about me: (Or maybe you do?)

1. I leave everything to the last minute because I do my best work when I am under stress; I label myself a stress-case procrastinator and it is my own fault.

2. I have a SEVERE phobia of frogs and toads, bring one within 10 feet of me and I will cry.. so, so hard! I also seem to have developed a slight phobia to elastic bands due to my four years of wearing a head-gear.

3. I live in the world of television. I talk about Chandler Bing, Phoebe Buffay, Meredith Grey, and Christina Yang as if they were real people. I take my TV watching very seriously and when these characters show signs of any emotion I feel it along with them.

4. I have a photographic memory and I am not going to lie, it is pretty creepy. For instance, when taking a test I can picture where exactly the answer is written within my notes, what heading it is under and what information comes before and after the answer.

5. I am OCD when it comes to being clean. Before I can study I have to thoroughly clean my room, even if it not messy. I will dust, sweep, vacuum, and wipe down all surfaces just so that I am able to focus.

6. I put on full musical performances in front of my bedroom mirror after 12am. These performances include dancing, singing and of course, the use of a hairbrush microphone. Surprisingly the number of performances has increase dramatically in recent weeks!

7. I have an unhealthy obsession with everything salt & vinegar; rice cakes, chips, popcorn flavoring, crackers, etc. The inside of my mouth begins to peel after excess amounts of salt and vinegar snacks, but it is SO worth it.

8. On a more serious note, I am clinically depressed. I have been for two years now but I have come such a long way in two years, and I can safely say I am on the road to recovery. It is not because I dwell on negative things or because I am an ungrateful "emo" girl, it is a simple chemical imbalance in my brain that I cannot help.

9. I love Christmas. But of course, who doesn't? The difference between everyone else and me is simple: I love Christmas for the warm feeling I get beside the tree, surrounded by my family, with food I do not get on a regular basis. I am never happier than when it is a white Christmas and I get to listen to 800 different versions of jingle bells on the radio. I love giving gifts more than I do receiving. And most importantly, a walk in the snow through town, all bundled up, is what I love the most.

10. I get nervous when making phone calls. It does not matter who I am calling, or why I am calling, I always, always get nervous.

11. I have a specific format in which my pillows must attend to in order for me to get a good night sleep. It is the reason I do not like sleepovers; I am not able to fully complete my pillow formation.

12. Unlike most people, I do not have a filter. I say what I feel even if it is completely inappropriate in nature. If you love me, you will learn to accept this lack of filtering.

13. If I was given the opportunity, I would eat cheese with everything. I, almost, already do.

14. Carrie Underwood is the one woman I would kiss, nuff said.

15. And finally, I love to love, but I do not love easily. I have only been in love once and it let me down. With that said, ever since that time I have been very unlucky in love, but I refuse to give up on it.