2009-11-25

My roommates are insane. I do not think I have ever laughed as hard as I have in the past few months. This is a copy of the collection of quotes located on our refrigerator of our funniest moments:

"Oh shoot! We're living on a beach?" - Ryan

"No, no. I would have a relationship with Carrie Underwood, I would just bang that blonde chick from the Pussycat Dolls" - Lynsay

"Tila! Oh my God" - Tila Tequila

"Oh mg" - Phil

"Uh Yeah, give me what I need" - Tila Tequila

"OH MY GOD, WE ARE DYING! WE ARE DYING RIGHT NOW!" - Ryan

"My dream is to watch people have sex. Not the actual sex, I just wanna see the moments leading up to it and I want to see if they would do it in front of me" - Lynsay

"Lynsay! There are people puking in our garbage cans and our kitchen sink!" - Ryan

"Tongue freaks me out. Every tongue texture is different, it's like a banana and banana's creep me out" - Lynsay

"Dear Jon Templin, can I rub your abs?" - Nicole

" I would totally do anal, if it meant having sex with him!" - Kriselle

"Put your friggin' seat belt on! We are in the car with an Asian!" - Ryan

"Take a doubt shot" - the ikki twins

"Oh my god! I just punched myself so hard in the face!" - Ryan

"Oh my god guys! I am so much fun! Like, you should really thank my parents for all this because if they hadn't gotten together and had sex I would not be here and you all would not be having this much fun!" - Jessica

"I don't care. I just need someone to make out with when I am drunk" - Nicole

"Whenever Pussycat Dolls 'Buttons' video comes on I become a lesbian for 4 minutes" - Lynsay

"Sorry! That's for Phil" - Nicole

"If Lady Gaga comes on tonight I'm going to be the biggest whore" - Lynsay

"I don't know how I feel about that" - ALL

" FFFFFFFFFFFFF- ighting evil by moonlight" - Jess

"No one uses the weiner slot" - SNL

"I'm not effing angry!!" - Ryan (Ryan during his special time of month)

"Why's his foot up there?" - Lynsay

"If you ever hurt me, I'll fucking kill you" - Ryan

"How in the hell do you tell someone they are a horrible kisser? What I really wanna say is, get your effing tongue out of my mouth and freakin' give it to me. I would rather my face be sucked then to be gagged by tongue" - Lynsay

"I wish it was my birthday!" - Nicole (in reference to the song birthday sex)

"So Lyns, should I get a blowjob, an orgasm or an asian pussy?" - Ryan

"You have to leave at a 0.. just because" - Jess

"PHIL! You just spilled pussy all over me!" - Ryan

Moments that do not need quotes:

- being sent pictures of some guys penis at Kriselle's

- the way in which Kriselle hold a guy head when she kisses him

- the way Kriselle keeps her eyes open and looks at her friends while kissing people

- Lynsay fainting in Kriselle's bedroom

- Lynsay puking in her sailor moon costume for 12 straight hours

- Ryan knowing every dance to all Pussycat Dolls, Lady Gaga, and Beyonce music videos

- Jessica and Bad Romance

- Ryan communicating with a vomiting Lynsay through her vent

- Kriselle making a vegetarian eat chicken

- Lynsay debt card signature permanently stuck on her boob after a long night of sweaty dancing in the Turret

- Ryan drinking a beer by himself in his room on a Monday morning

- Nicole and Phil

- Kriselle and Jason

- Jess and Jon

- Nicole's frequent screams

- Ryan breaking Jess' mirror from coming out of the closet

- Ryan and Chandler cuddling in bed together

You guys are awesome! I only hope that the list on our fridge will continue to expand.

2009-11-24

Fifteen things you did not know about me: (Or maybe you do?)

1. I leave everything to the last minute because I do my best work when I am under stress; I label myself a stress-case procrastinator and it is my own fault.

2. I have a SEVERE phobia of frogs and toads, bring one within 10 feet of me and I will cry.. so, so hard! I also seem to have developed a slight phobia to elastic bands due to my four years of wearing a head-gear.

3. I live in the world of television. I talk about Chandler Bing, Phoebe Buffay, Meredith Grey, and Christina Yang as if they were real people. I take my TV watching very seriously and when these characters show signs of any emotion I feel it along with them.

4. I have a photographic memory and I am not going to lie, it is pretty creepy. For instance, when taking a test I can picture where exactly the answer is written within my notes, what heading it is under and what information comes before and after the answer.

5. I am OCD when it comes to being clean. Before I can study I have to thoroughly clean my room, even if it not messy. I will dust, sweep, vacuum, and wipe down all surfaces just so that I am able to focus.

6. I put on full musical performances in front of my bedroom mirror after 12am. These performances include dancing, singing and of course, the use of a hairbrush microphone. Surprisingly the number of performances has increase dramatically in recent weeks!

7. I have an unhealthy obsession with everything salt & vinegar; rice cakes, chips, popcorn flavoring, crackers, etc. The inside of my mouth begins to peel after excess amounts of salt and vinegar snacks, but it is SO worth it.

8. On a more serious note, I am clinically depressed. I have been for two years now but I have come such a long way in two years, and I can safely say I am on the road to recovery. It is not because I dwell on negative things or because I am an ungrateful "emo" girl, it is a simple chemical imbalance in my brain that I cannot help.

9. I love Christmas. But of course, who doesn't? The difference between everyone else and me is simple: I love Christmas for the warm feeling I get beside the tree, surrounded by my family, with food I do not get on a regular basis. I am never happier than when it is a white Christmas and I get to listen to 800 different versions of jingle bells on the radio. I love giving gifts more than I do receiving. And most importantly, a walk in the snow through town, all bundled up, is what I love the most.

10. I get nervous when making phone calls. It does not matter who I am calling, or why I am calling, I always, always get nervous.

11. I have a specific format in which my pillows must attend to in order for me to get a good night sleep. It is the reason I do not like sleepovers; I am not able to fully complete my pillow formation.

12. Unlike most people, I do not have a filter. I say what I feel even if it is completely inappropriate in nature. If you love me, you will learn to accept this lack of filtering.

13. If I was given the opportunity, I would eat cheese with everything. I, almost, already do.

14. Carrie Underwood is the one woman I would kiss, nuff said.

15. And finally, I love to love, but I do not love easily. I have only been in love once and it let me down. With that said, ever since that time I have been very unlucky in love, but I refuse to give up on it.

2009-11-23

There are six billion people in this world. Six Billion. I do not know why, but every time I see that statistic I get put in my place, or at least am inclined to question it. What is my place anyway? What am I? Just one of six billion? Another social security number? A face in the crowd? Hell no, I am and we are so much more than that; at least I hope we are or at least I hope we can be.

There was a point in time where I was content just living in my own little world that included just me, myself and I. However when I was a child my mind was much different. I always had this dream of meeting every single person in the world. Mind you, this dream began while I was sitting on juice stained individual square carpets, where the most complex piece of art I had ever created would be my hand print in a piece of plaster, eagerly anticipating my dunkaroos and recess.

I want to see the world. I want to know all that there is to know about this world. I want to be more than my hometown or my country. I do not want to one day look back and think, "Hey well, I know everyone in Uxbridge, that must count for something?". But of course, the world is much, much bigger than good ol' Uxbridge. There is so much more to this world than what we are exposed to. We are more than the town that we live in. We are more than the school we study at. My world should not just be some 20,000 population city. My world should not just be some 13,000 student institution; there is more. We can be something bigger, we can see everything if we really want to. Hell, you might be thinking I'm preaching, you might suggest "God woman, get a valium and appreciate the fact that you live comfortably, have a roof over your head and food on the table." But I do appreciate it. I am happy. So happy. I have an great family, great friends and a great life. I just know that there is more out there than what we're used to. I've always had this mindset that there are hundreds of different rituals, religions, cultures, foods, ethnicities and languages out there and I want to look back and know what they are. It is not fair to the world when I am unaware of its many concepts and contents.

So what's this weeks lesson?

Know what you're passionate about and do not be afraid of it. Do not be afraid to love something. If you have passion for competitive ping pong, all power to you. Just embrace it; know what it is that you love. Ask questions, because you will never know unless you ask; there is no harm in a simple question and you can learn a lot from the answers you receive.

Do not ever think that you need to have your life planned out in front of you. You do not need to know that you will teach grade 5, or that you will get married when you turn 26. You do not need to know what company you will work for, or how many kids you will have. Let all that come naturally. For now just sing like nobody is listening, dance like nobody is watching, live like you do not need the money and love like you have never been hurt. You might think I'm impractical, but I swear to you it is possible. But who knows, maybe I am just a girl with some Kindergarten dreaming left in her.

So really, Do not be afraid to dream, because you never know what can happen. It is a crazy world we are living in, after all.

2009-11-18

I am currently reading the most compelling novel in what little spare time I do have. Just last night I came across a very interesting passage:

"Chris closed his eyes. How could he convey to someone who'd never even met her the way she always smelled like rain, or how his stomach knotted up every time he saw her shake loose her hair from its braid? How could he describe how it felt when she finished his sentences, turned the mug they were sharing so that her mouth landed where his had been? How did he explain the way they could be in a locker room, or underwater, or in the piney woods of Maine, but as long as Emily was with him, he was at home?"

Does this kind of love, passion, and infatuation even exist? Because I think it is all crap. I blame society for giving us false hope and for giving us an unrealistic idea of what love should be and what it should look like. We spend our whole lives looking for this type of love and totally disregard the fact that it could have been sitting right in front of us all along. I blame this false hope and the false notion of love for my own experiences in 'love'. Maybe I am just ignorant. Maybe I just do not want to see the good in people and the wonderful things they have to share. Maybe I am just scared to feel the intensity of emotions that I do.

But whatever it may be, there is no reason good enough shut out the world.

2009-11-16

Some days, the whole world seems upside down.

And then somehow, when you least expect it..

The world always seems to right itself again.

2009-11-12

Chandler Bing: one member of the male population I know would never hurt me.

2009-11-10

This notion of being perfect is crap. I have spent almost my entire adolescence trying to become this ideal version of the typical teenage girl, and it's crap. At some point in the recent past I just stopped caring, and have become this raw and crazy, goof-ball of a person. I am better off this way, definitely! Being perfect and not letting your emotions drive you is absolute crap.

I have come to appreciate the fact that the happiest of people do not necessarily have the best of everything, they just make the best of what they were given. I have talked to a number of 'happy' people and heard about moments and experiences in their lives that they have had to endure, just like the rest of us. It makes me feel nothing but gratitude. I am trying to stop focusing on the frivolous things in life. I'm staying away from the drama. I'm just being... because really, its all I know how to do.

I might not be perfect. Actually, scratch that, I am FAR from perfect. I am loud. I make inappropriate comments in social situations. I cannot do math if my life depended on it. I am super awkward. I am fluent in sarcasm. I am the biggest procrastinator in the history of the universe. I HATE getting ready in the morning. I have the most obnoxious old man laugh. I bite my nails. I put on full out musical performances in front of my bedroom mirror. I hate frogs, toads and elastic bands. I watch the Family Channel and TVO kids (aka Arthur) like it is my religion. I exaggerate everything to a ridiculous extent. When I teach dance, I relate all moves to randomly selected zoo animals. I am certainly not one of the "cool kids", and you know what? I never wanted to be. I listen to Disney songs full blast and can quote every episode of Friends. But you know what? I am happy. Not perfect, but happy. Really, when it comes down to it, I would rather be hated for who I am than loved for who I am not.

So what's today's lesson?

Be yourself. Love your flaws. It doesn't matter if you're shy, loud, tall, short, black, white, or freakin' purple for all I care. It does not matter where you're from, who you've been with, what you believe in, how put together you are,

how organized your life is, or even how clean your room is.You will find people that love you regardless of it all and of course, those that mind don't matter, those that matter don't mind.

You're here, so take a chance and make it big.

Love yourself; regardless of all the stupid crap.

And most importantly, stand out. Even if it is just in the smallest way.

2009-11-09

Let's face it, I have never been much of an extrovert. It was not until coming to Laurier that I realized how much I love being in the presence of various groups of people. I am still very much independent but Laurier has taught me to let others in even if the trust is not fully there; these people are to be kept on a special radar. I have always had an attitude problem towards the thought of others and what they have chosen to partake in throughout their existence because I just did not understand. I did not understand why all people were not like me. I think I have a pretty good head on my shoulders and have may fairly logical decisions in my life thus far, but why can't others? This brings me to my next point: Perhaps my favourite thing about my newly formed extroverted personality is the things I have learned; I love learning from people. It is so outstanding what you can learn just by taking a second and paying close attention to your surroundings. I know I have become a better person for it. All these "stupid" people I have encountered have taught me a lesson in one form or another, no matter how shameful or helpful, they made a difference in how I have chosen to live my life. I guess, essentially, I love the power of people. I'm always the happiest when I am with the people I love.

Things are static, they are always there, they will always be there, and ultimitely they do not mean as much as you would like to think they mean.

People are dynamic, they come, they move, they change, they are full of knowledge that things cannot give us; like 'real' and meaningful knowledge.

People have the ability to enlighten us, make us cry with joy and with sadness, make us laugh, console us, teach us, be taught by us, make us smile and give us the ability to live life to the fullest potential. Sometimes you fight with them and they frustrate you and you frustrate them but it happens.

However, when all is said and done, people are what ultimitely matter.

So do not ask what the world needs from you, ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. What the world really needs is people who have come alive.

People make me alive. It's not the things you buy, the car you drive or the clothes you wear. It is the people I know.

Although I have come across only a small number of real and truly remarkable individuals throughout my existence, I can clearly identify each and every thing that makes them perfect to me. From my serene and shy friends who make me seem like a crack addict, to my eccentric and wild friends who make me seem beyond normal; these are the people I love. Of course, it is not just friends, its family that teaches us more than right and wrong, it is the people that hold the door open when you are trying to carry home 30 pounds of groceries, it is the people who smile in adversity, and it is a complete stranger offers you some of the best advice.

Today's Lesson?

Most people just exist, but the people that live are the rarest of kinds. I really do think that what most people need is to learn how to love people and use 'things'. So please, don't just exist. Don't shut people out even if you think they're being unreasonable. As I have said before, be kind to the unkind, fore they are the one's that need it the most. And finally, don't be surprised when people who like you, end up loving you and then in turn, end up needing you. It means alot when you're needed and it takes an awful lot of courage to need people. So, with that said, need them back, or if that is too difficult give them some of your time, even if its only to show them you are there for them. Make them a priority, because I can honestly say that there is nothing worse than feeling like an just another option.

What's the Point?

It is quite simple, really: Things will always be there and people will not. So believe me when I say this:

You will never, ever, ever feel as special as when someone needs you. Not the annoying, passive and clingy kind of need, but the kind in which someone decides that you are that special person they could compare to their need for oxygen in order to breathe.

This feeling is better than an A+ on a paper, the excitement of christmas morning or even the addition of two more abs on your chiseled abdomen. Its life, and life is made by people. So, surround yourself with supportive people who will laugh with you at all the 'fakes' there are out there, and let them teach you how to be a real person. No matter how you choose to live your life someone, anyone and everyone is going to hurt you. Ultimately... it is all just a matter of who is worth the struggle.

2009-11-08

"For a kiss to be really good, you want it to mean something. You want it to be with someone you can't get out of your head, so that when your lips finally touch you feel it everywhere. A kiss so hot and so deep you never want to come up for air. You can't cheat your first kiss. Trust me, you don't want to. Cause when you find that right person for a first kiss, it's everything"

2009-11-07

Ignore or Confront?

Lie or Truth?

Sink or Swim?

Agressive or Passive?

Love or Lust?

Jeans or Sweats?

Up or Down?

Rum or Vodka?

Anger or Indifference?

Friends or Grey's?

Friend or Foe?

Us or Them?

Black or White?

Life is about choices, no matter how frivolous, no matter how insignificant, no matter how freakin' stupid you think they might be. These choices, the ones you make today will somehow affect your tomorrow. So, think before you choose. Everyone makes decisions they regret, everyone has that moment where they say "God I wish I didn't do that" or "God I wish I didn't say that". It's times like those when you wish you got to make the decision over again, minimize the mistakes, stop acting irrationally, stop lashing out, and stop acting without reason.

Just stop. Take a breath and think. Life is not always about a snappy comeback, you know.

And if choice draws the question Life or Death? Choose Life. Because, there are six billion people in this world and not one of them is exactly like you. You are one of six billion. There is no single person in this entire world who is exactly you.

Appreciate that fact.
Appeciate choice.
Appreciate your right to choose.
Count down from 5 the next time you think about acting irrationally. Is it really worth it?
That's your choice.

2009-11-04

"Pain, you just have to ride it out, hope it goes away on its own, hope the wound that caused it heals. There are no solutions, no easy answers, you just breath deep and wait for it to subside. Most of the time pain can be managed but sometimes the pain gets you where you least expect it; hits way below the belt and doesn't let up. Pain, you just have to fight through, because the truth is you can't outrun it and life always makes more.

Maybe we like the pain. Maybe we're wired that way. Because without it, I don't know; maybe we just wouldn't feel real. What's that saying? Why do I keep hitting myself with a hammer? Because it feels so good when I stop."

2009-11-03

At the end of the day, when it comes down to it, all we really want is to be close to somebody. So this thing, where we all keep our distance and pretend not to care about each other, is usually a load of bull. So we pick and choose who we want to remain close to, and once we've chosen those people, we tend to stick close by. No matter how much we hurt them, the people that are still with you at the end of the day - those are the ones worth keeping. And sure, sometimes close can be too close. But sometimes, that invasion of personal space, it can be exactly what you need.

2009-11-02

It's so strange the way you think you've gotten someone figured out and realize rather abruptly that you don't have a clue. I like to call these people 'the catalysts'. These people bring out my frustration in the human race more than anything in all of the world.

There have been a few people in my life who I thought I had solved. The complexities of their being, the nature of their character, and the way they would react to certain situations. I watched until I thought I had figured out their rubix cube. But then, comes the curveball; that unsettling feeling at the pit of your stomach when you find something out about them that shocks you, offends you, hurts you, surprises you. There goes the puzzle. Completed? Apparently not anymore.

I loved many people in my life very, very dearly. These people were perfect in my eyes in all their imperfections. Individuals I trusted with everything and cared for unconditionally. I had pinned these people as some of the greatest contributions to my existence. However, in some strange twist of fate this persona I had built up around this person began to crumble and fall to the ground. I tried so hard to keep believing they were the person I believed them to be but actions speak louder than words. So much louder; actions scream and words whisper and these were absolutely blaring. How can one person change so much. So much so that you barely recognize them? Not necessarily for the worst of course, as sometimes these changes breed new and fantastic beginnings. In my case though, not so much.I suppose the most important thing to remember here is that people are my lifeblood. I love them with everything, I trust them with everything, I care about them with everything. I would do anything for someone I care about and I thought for a fleeting moment that that feeling and hope was something that everyone considered a basic right to reciprocate in terms of friendship or companionship. I suppose its not for everyone, and how naive of me to assume it was.

Sometimes people surprise you. Sometimes people surprise you in the worst ways. And then... there is the catalyst; that one event that triggers everything. The event that changes the way you look at someone, treat someone, love someone, etc. I wish the catalyst would not hurt people as much as it tends to do. I wish the catalyst did not have to happen and we could always see those we care about in the best light 100% of the time. But we don't, really, do we?

What is the moral of the story? Today marks an important day in your life. A day where you get to start fresh. Erase anything you think you know about someone and wipe the slate clean. Unlearn. Relearn. Because we don't know who the hell one another is anymore.. do we?

2009-11-01

You are important to me. Am I even remotely important to you? I would bend over backwards for you. Would you do the same for me? I don't think you would. I am having second thoughts about all that I said because I want to be as important to you as you are to me. However, I do not think I ever will be. Nobody is perfect, I get that. And with that said, I will not spend my life trying to find perfection, but there has to be someone who is remotely close, right? When I talk about perfection in individual people, I am not talking about ideal perfection I am talking about perfection in terms of what is perfect for me. I am tired of being disappointed. I long for something fresh and exciting. So somebody, please, surprise me.