2009-10-30

Once again my university has started up it's 'Secrets' campaign, in which students anonymously write their deepest

secrets on a post cards and submit it to a website. Each year the comments, the feelings, the desires, and the darkness that each student expresses on their postcard is astonishing. Here are some examples:

" I am afraid that I will never find someone I love as much as I loved you"

" I shaved my head for cancer. It was for a good cause but I feel so ugly"

" I classify myself as a home-wrecker. I have broken up three relationships and counting"

" I am constantly trying to be someone else. I hope one day I will be ok with me"

" I once had homosexual relations with my cousin, it confuses me sexually everyday"

" I am 20 and have never had a boyfriend. I want people who don't want me. I feel so alone"

" A daughter's bruises never heal"

" I am pregnant. I never thought I would be THAT girl"

" Not everyone looks forward to what their future brings"

" All I wanted was for someone to ask if I was going to be alright.. you never asked"

" I wished you would die so I could have a normal life. Then you did. Right in front of me"

" I slept with my roommates crush twice to prove that I am better looking"

" I'm afraid my parents will hug me when I tell them I was sexually assaulted.."

" I wonder if when people pass me in the halls they can see the sorrow in my eyes"

" The only reason I haven't killed my self is because I couldn't do that to my mom"

" I finance and support my boyfriend's drug problem"

" I don't want to die, but I feel as though I would be happier not living"

" I can't afford a hair dryer, so I use the school hand dryers"

We tend to feel like we are all alone in this world when we go through both positive and negative experiences but, by reading these secrets, we are not. The world would be a whole lot simpler if people could say what they feel easily and openly, without judgement. Unfortunately, this may never happen. Everyone has a secret, what's yours?

2009-10-29

Today is the day /realized that next year I will be twenty, which obviously means I will no longer be a teenager. I feel as though I did not cherish my adolescence the way that I should have and I didn't accomplish nearly as much as I would have like to in my 19 years on this earth. With that said, I have developed a list of various things I would like to accomplish within the remainder of my time here, because before you know it my adulthood will be coming to an end and I would like to be able to say that I lived.

TO DO:

- wake up early

- start running again

- run a marathon

- go on a plane

- volunteer in a third world country

- travel to Greece

- read one book per month

- go whale watching

- get my nose pierced

- ride the Behemoth at Wonderland

- visit Disney World

- choreograph a broadway show

- eat an entire cake (white cake, white icing) in one sitting

- watch all 252 episodes of Friends in a single day

- witness a miracle

- write a new blog everyday/every other day

- sit front row at a concert

- ride a horse

- be someone's role model

- start taking dance classes again

- get tattoo

- go scuba diving

- hold a frog

- diminish procrastination from my existence

- eat sushi

- work at a summer camp

- learn to do a back handspring

- go skinny dipping at a public beach (at night, obviously!)

- get my boating license

- become a don

- make a difference

- get a St Bernard puppy

- make thanksgiving dinner all by myself

- own every classic disney movie ever made

- adopt a special needs child

- live in Uxbridge until I am old and grey

- buy a homeless person a coffee or a meal

- see a broadway musical in New York City

- watch a sunrise

- fall in love, but not just any kind of love.. the intense and passionate kind

- buy a fake leather jacket

- win a contest

- go on a canoe trip

- get a picture with a famous person

- get wave put in my hair

- go to bed before 12 every night

- climb a mountain

- don't just exist, live.

Of course it may be impossible to complete ALL the items on this list, but it doesn't hurt to try, right?

2009-10-28

Someone answer me one very simple question: What the hell is wrong with people? Everyday I walk through campus, through hallways, down streets, and I sit in class or in various places on campus and I listen. The things that I witness are beyond frustrating:

My Pet Peeves:

1) It is 1:45 and the class ends at 1:50.. and people begin to start to pack up not only making it impossible for the professor to be heard but it rushes them and I am sure it makes them feel horrible in the fact that people cannot wait to get the hell out of their classroom. Rude.

2) When someone's phone rings during class you are suppose to turn it off as quickly as possible, right? Wrong. There are select few that will actually pick up there phone and say hello in the middle of a lecture and proceed to talk to the person on the other end until they are out the door. Rude.

3) I have missed classes before, no doubt about that, but when you have a class that has a maximum capacity of 250 and only about 50 people are there each day... it's a problem. Come on people get off your asses, and get to class! If you were planning on never coming to class then why didn't you just take it online? Rude.

4) Please do not ask more than 4 questions in lecture. Put your hand down and listen. More often then not the answer to your question is always, "I was just getting to that".

5) If you are going to play solitaire in class it is the same as not coming to class. Just sayin'

AND MY BIGGEST PET PEEVE OF ALL TIMES IS...

6) On a multiple choice midterm/exam/test, the standard labeling of questions is ABCD but sometimes you will get a question that is labelled AXCD or something to that effect. Obviously, that is not correct and there is no place on the scantron for you to mark off 'X' so use your head and realize that it is a typo and that 'X' is suppose to be a 'B'. The same goes for simple spelling mistakes. If the question has the word 'hte' or 'nad' please do not put up your hand and ask what these words are suppose to be. Use that handy thing humans call common sense!

Stupidity is mighty powerful!

2009-10-27

Life goes by pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around every once in a while you could miss it. And it's true you know. Life does go by pretty fast. You're given one shot. One chance... to do what though? What is the point of your existence? To get the girl? To get the best job? To have big house and fill it with fancy things ? To get the grades? To have 2 kids and name them after exotic fruits? To make others jealous? To be the center of attention? To have the best? To be the best? To be wanted? To be "it"? To have the biggest social circle of all your friends? To have the biggest TV? To be remembered? Simply put, the point of life is figuring out who the hell you are because it's only as good as you make it. You have the power to do something good. You have a calling. You are here for a reason.

This isn't to say you should rid the world of poverty or aids. You don't have to to be the next Oprah and you definitely do not have to fly to a third world country with Angelina and teach kids how to read. Find out who you are and try not to be afraid of it. You can make a difference. After all, crazier things have happened. Now consider it... Who are you, really?

For me, I'm Lynsay. I like to consider myself a rubix cube that you won't ever figure out completely. Ever since I can remember I've been writing, because I want to remember the things I did then that made me who I am now. It doesn't take me 3 hours to get ready every day like most girls. I think the little things make a difference, not the way you present yourself, physically, in the public eye. There's only one thing I regret in my life but you will not ever know what it is. I live for the summer nights in which I am by the camp fire with family and friends. I play music much too loudly because it takes me away from reality when reality is not the most positive place to be. I love being loved and I love loving, but I do not love easily. My family is crazy and loud but I do not know what I would do without them. I do not know what my religion is. I am an obsessive cleaner, but somehow my room manages to be a disaster at least once per day. Change makes me uncomfortable and with that said, I like to have a handle on things. If I stayed in Uxbridge forever I would be more than happy. I put one song on repeat for hours. I try to make sense of anything and everything. I am annoyingly independent and terribly stubborn. I am inappropriate in social situations, which is why I identify with Chandler Bing. I leave things to the last minute. I make lists about lists. I try to nap at least once per day. I love people that make the best of what they're given and are not afraid to put themselves aside to help another individual in need. I'm a mind full of sarcasm. You might like me, you might not. As it stands right now, there are more important things to worry about than if you accept me or not. I'm just a girl just looking for my place, and learning some valuable lessons along the way.

So what is the lesson here? The lesson is, that there is a time in life when you have to start to think and I don't mean think about what you're gonna wear tomorrow or what school you're going to go to post grad. I do not mean think about numbers on a math test, colours in a rainbow, or the smirk on someones face and what it means. I mean think. Just think and ask yourself .... who am I, really?

You might be brilliant. You might beautiful. And you might be short, tall, fat, or skinny, but do not let that define you because thats nothing in retrospect to who you are as a person.

Do you forgive? Do you forgive too easily? Do you love? Are you loved? Why do you act the way you do? Are you pretending? Are you even listening? Are you looking or seeing? Because there is a difference you know. Who are you? Really?

Do not live your life like a sheep in a herd of Abercrombie wearing clones. Stand out by knowing who you are and turn away from the norm. Don't be numb to the world, take charge of it. The world might sometimes be cruel, but at least you can feel it if you aren't numb to it. I know its nearly impossible to turn away from the flock, but thinking about it is a step, right? Most people just exist, but the people that live are the rarest kinds. And I really think that what most people need to learn in life is how to love people and how to be loved. So please, do not just exist. Do not shut people out even if you think they are being unreasonable, selfish or 'stupid', even though they probably are. Be kind to the unkind, fore they are the ones that need it the most. And most importantly, do not be surprised when people who like you, end up loving you and in turn, end up needing you.

2009-10-26

Do you ever think there are some people who you are completely destined to meet? I think so. I’ve always kind of thought that there were some people who were put on this earth to help and others to hurt. I consider myself unbelievably fortunate to say that in my life I’ve come across some really, really special helpers.
I absolutely adore my friends, two in particular; you know who you are. If you know me you probably know that I would/will bend over backwards to help with anything anyone ever needs and I think that’s one of my best and worst characteristics. I wear my heart on my sleeve and shockingly enough I am driven by emotion and passion. I can say without a doubt, I have had some bad, maybe even horrible times in my life thus far. But lucky for me, I’ve been completely blessed with the right people in my life who not only would I bend over backwards for, but who care about me. If you do not care about me, or only care enough about me to spread gossip; thank you for making me the center of your life, it is oddly satisfying.
I’ve learned a lot about myself this year because I’ve been presented with a lot of different challenges. But I think that whatever doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger, whatever brings you down you can bounce back from, and whatever negative influences affect you will eventually fade away. I am so lucky to have the most amazing roommates, friends and family a girl could ask for. However, I give the most credit to those two special people who have been there through thick and thin; who have never once turned their back on me. I guess what I’m trying to say here is that there will always be people who don’t like you. There will always be people who judge you, who try to hurt you, and those who intentionally hurt you, but these people shape who we are. They make us stronger and make us learn things we could never learn by ourselves. So learn something from these people; but don’t let them dictate how you should live your life.

In the past year, I have seen the power of a real friend. A real friend can make all these feelings of sadness melt away, with late night heart to hearts, a ranting session on the "crappy-ness" of life or maybe just a trip to the most amazing dessert place in all of the world! It has taken me a long time to realize who the truly genuine people are in my life, but now I know, and I am SO glad I know. These special individuals are absolutely beautiful people.

However, I know that not every day is going to be full of sunshine and laughter; some days will be cloudy and miserable. In most cases, the cloudy and miserable day will not be because of a bad grade, a bad hair day, or a bad mood, it will be because of another person trying to break into your brain and pry out all your negative emotions. These people do not matter, never should matter and never will matter. Ignore, forgive, forget and move on because really; life has a way of throwing curveballs at you no matter where you are. Life and its contents are ultimately just a big game; the more understanding you have of it the less time it has to hit you in the face. So do not let life and the life of others hit you when you least expect. Expect it, and experience it, because It is the only chance you have.

2009-10-23

It is possible that something really, really wonderful is going to happen to me in the near future.  I do not want to get my hopes up, just in case this does not turn out the way I want it to. I sure hope that is not the case; no matter how much I tell myself it is not that big of a deal and I do not want it that badly ... it is a big deal and I do want it badly. Come on life, throw me something good!

2009-10-22

I feel like there is so much I need to think about and so much I need to worry about. However, I am avoiding it all in attempts to saviour my sanity. No one ever told us that transitioning into adulthood was so stressful. There are so many bigger and better things out there that I have to be grateful for, but it is hard when all the little things are adding up so fast, disrupting my routine. So, for now at least, I will just slip into bed and put on a little Sleepless in Seattle and put it all behind me.

2009-10-21

"Take a look at yourself in a mirror who do you see looking back? Is it the person you want to be? Or is there someone else you were meant to be, the person you were meant to be, but fell short of? Is someone telling you you can’t or won’t? Because you can. Believe that love is out there. Believe that dreams come true every day. Because they do. Sometimes happiness doesn’t come from money or fame or power. Sometimes happiness comes from good friends and family And the quiet nobility of leading a good life. So take a look in that mirror. Remind yourself to be happy because you deserve to be. Believe that. And believe that dreams come true every day. Because they do."

2009-10-19

I may not get everything I want. I may not have had the best of luck thus far, but I finally feel as though I am transforming into the person I have always wanted to be.

I have discovered one phrase that has allowed me to do this smoothly and comfortably: "I don't care". I don't care if you do not like my attitude  towards or my opinion of a certain situation. I don't care if you despise what it is I have decided to wear that day. I don't care if you think I am unattractive. I don't care if you do not approve of what I choose to do with my time. I just don't care. I am me, and nothing is going to change that. Come on people just be yourself! You have made it this far in life being who you are, why change for people who's opinions do not matter? 

Life would be so much better if ordinary people just stop caring about what it was others around them are thinking or feeling. Let me let you in on a little secret, they don't care. They don't care if your bangs have a mind of their own that morning. They don't care if you are wearing jeans or track pants, and they really don't care if you have on real Ugg boots or the Walmart knock offs. Do me a favour, start 'not' caring. It really takes a load off.  

2009-10-13

Just a few hours ago I found the most amazing song. These lyrics are so incredibly accurate in describing how I am and have been feeling for a long time now:

"Something always brings me back to you. It never takes too long. No matter what I say or do I'll still feel you here 'til the moment I'm gone. You hold me without touch. You keep me without chains. I never wanted anything so much than to drown in your love and not feel your reign. Set me free, leave me be. I don't want to fall another moment into your gravity. Here I am and I stand so tall, just the way I'm supposed to be. But you're on to me and all over me. You loved me 'cause I'm fragile. When I thought that I was strong. But you touch me for a little while and all my fragile strength is gone. I live here on my knees as I try to make you see that you're everything I think I need here on the ground. But you're neither friend nor foe though I can't seem to let you go. The one thing that I still know is that you're keeping me down".

2009-10-05

I have never felt more at home than I do every Sunday surrounded by 100+ performers. It is every Sunday that I am able to let my guard down, let loose and show off what I have to contribute to the show. These people and this show is my world.

2009-10-04

"As women, we have more of a tendency to be people-pleasers, and I know a lot of women who are not vocal about what makes them happy. I am not like that anymore. I spent a lot of time not being clear about who I was and what was important to me. It’s easy to be taken advantage of if you’re not honest. I knew that dance of trying to please a man, trying to guess what they want you to be, and I got really tired of that, really confused and frustrated. I decided I was sick of trying to figure out what everybody else wanted, and I should just decide what I want, and be honest, and not spend all my time guessing. A relationship  should be, "this is me" from the moment you meet him. You should be saying to yourself, "this is what I want and this is what I need".

2009-10-02

I love the days in which you feel as though you have everything you could have ever wanted.

Today was one of "those" days:

- I got a position I had been dying for

- I am volunteering at a truly magnificent organization

AND

- I feel more than adequate within my world. 

Today was a good day.